61· Quiet Leadership
Podcast show notes
When you think of a leader, who comes to mind? Maybe someone bold and commanding?
I used to think the same until I worked with a leader whose quiet, intentional style completely changed my perspective.
In this episode, I’m sharing what I learned from their thoughtful approach, how listening, collaboration, and purposeful action can make just as much (if not more) of an impact as the loudest voice in the room.
Let’s rethink what it means to lead well.
Here are the highlights
(02:49) Defining Quiet Leadership
(04:58) The Role of Quiet Leadership
(06:44) Introverts and Extroverts in Leadership
(11:54) Reflections on Leadership Styles
(12:00) Fostering an Inclusive Workplace
(14:42) The Importance of Self Awareness in Leadership
Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahnemann
Get the Find Your Power audio-course HERE
Get the 5 Day Resilience Kickstarter
Connect with Ruth
-
Ruth
Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfill your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity or your resilience.
Hello and welcome to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. When we think about leaders, what are we actually thinking about? Who are we thinking about? Well quite often think about somebody who is commanding attention in a room, quite often potentially that somebody will be a man. Maybe a man in a suit, and that's sort of been the traditional stereotype really of a leader. But what if leadership could be quieter? Just as effective but maybe a bit less loud. One of the best leaders I think I ever worked for was quiet, and I had never come across him before until I worked with him and didn't really quite know what to expect. He was not the norm for sure at that time in the organisation I was working in. It was a really interesting experience for me. I'm naturally inclined to be fairly extrovert, especially with other people. I do need time on my own, but when I'm around other people I find it really gives me energy and I am quite extrovert. I think aloud a lot, and I process my, my thoughts externally quite often as well.
So it's, it was a very, very different experience for me. I'd never worked for someone with his qualities and characteristics before, and do you know what? I absolutely loved it. I loved it. I learned so much from watching him work, from experiencing his leadership, from the thoughtfulness that he displayed in his interactions with other people, from the depth of the conversation and the thinking that came out from, from conversations with him or from meetings. Yeah, it really made me sort of think and reflect a bit more on my own style, what was natural to me, actually were there other things that I could bring out, and I just really wanted to in this episode, think about actually, what do we perceive as leadership a bit, when maybe is quiet leadership more appropriate? How different styles can, can have different impacts, and how we work effectively with both.
So what is quiet leadership? Well, really it's about a thoughtful, reflective approach to leading, one that prioritises listening and collaboration and very intentional action. It can often go alongside, or be perceived to go alongside actually, that's an important distinction, kind of a more detailed approach. Some people think of quiet leaders as people who are right in there with the detail but that's not always the case. You know you sort of think about books like Daniel Kahnemans, Thinking Fast and Slow. Quiet leaders often can think fast but will often also, you know really listen deeply, make thoughtful decisions, not, not sort of off the cuff. They're better at identifying sometimes those times when actually you need to listen to more people, more voices. You need to think more deliberately widely before you actually make a strategic decision, in particular. There's crisis moments when we all have to make quick decisions but there are people who are prepared to sit back a little bit and really think, and often they also build really meaningful one to one connections with people, because of that thoughtfulness, because of that focus on other people that they bring.
We don't always have to be one or the other. I think this is the sort of thinking that people can really get into around leadership where they feel like I have to be this kind of leader or that kind of leader. In the world that we live in where things change so quickly, actually, what we need to be is able to flex the way that we approach things. However, we will all have particular instinctive built in traits and strengths which doesn't mean to say that we can't develop new ones or think more consciously about how we're using the ones that we already have but we don't just have to be one thing. And quiet leadership can really compliment and I think this is really important, you know especially in larger organisations, there is not one leader. So when we're thinking about teams of leaders who need to come together and lead an organisation, you know often at the top of organizations we think about boards. You know, there's this board that makes these decisions and they operate in a particular way, but do they operate as a team? Do the strengths of that board compliment each other? Do the group of people leading a business or an organisation actually collaborate, or do they compete? And effective leadership isn't about being either introverted or extroverted. It's not about being this thing and this stereotype, although again, and this happens across the board with leadership, but also within organisational cultures, we sometimes can think that there's only one way of doing, doing leadership. But it's not about that one thing. It's about playing to the strengths that you have, knowing the strengths that you have so that you can play to them, and really being aware of what is most effective in a particular situation, what's needed by the other people, by the organisation from you and from what you have to bring.
There can be real differences and I think this doesn't just sort of hold true for leaders, it holds true for everyone but if we think about people who are introverted or extroverted, and most of us are a mix of both in different scenarios, but we'll tend towards one or the other. There are key differences in working styles and as leaders we need to be thinking about this but we also need to be thinking about ourselves within this. So introverts often prefer quieter environments to think and process things, they do really well with time for preparation before meetings or presentations, you know they they're not as comfortable being off the cuff, or you might find them quieter and in listening mode where there's a really loud, bustly conversation kind of going on, and often where there has been a big event or something they may need time alone to sort of recharge after sort of some big social type interaction. And that's just, it's just about processing time. It's just about things, time to really reflect deeply. There's huge power in that though as well because they're probably the people most likely to pick up the learning from whatever has happened. They're more likely to give kind of careful consideration to a wider set of views potentially.
The challenge I think for women who are introverted is that it's sort of, again you know depending on work culture, it can really impact our ability to be heard because if you're layering that introversion on top of an environment where potentially women's voices are less likely to be heard anyway, and we know that's true to a degree across the board in society, you know it's sort of a bit of a double whammy. So if you are a naturally inclined introvert, and you are either already a leader or trying to kind of get into leadership roles, you kind of going to have to think even more carefully about how your voice is heard, how you get it heard in that sort of environment, because you're going to want and need that processing time. You're going to want and need time to reflect, time to be quiet and still, but how do you then get the recognition for what you bring, and I think that's about other people potentially, like me, being much more aware of talking too much, of not bringing other people into the conversation, of rushing maybe to draw a conclusion to something that maybe needs more time to sort of percolate, or of not providing in advance enough prep time or enough material or detail for quiet thinkers, quiet leaders to really get the best out of what they bring to a conversation.
if you're an extrovert like me you're probably energised by collaboration and brainstorming in groups, very comfortable thinking out loud, which is definitely me, and actually social interaction and connection recharges us, and I think that's really, really true. I just, what's been really interesting for me post COVID has been that after COVID, for the first time in my life, I have actually at times found busy environments, loud environments with lots of people, not intimidating in any way, I still kind of enjoy the process but I find it much more exhausting. And I think it's really interesting when you've had that big break from that busyness actually going back into it, it's given me much more insight I think into what it must be like. You know whether you're an introvert or whether you have some sort of neurodiversity that means that those sorts of environments can bring a certain sense of overwhelm to your thinking, you know and again that's something else that you know we really need to be thinking about in this work context, when we think about leadership and we think about how we get the best out of people, whether they're introverts or extroverts, we also need to be thinking about neurodiversity in this as well because again, sometimes that quiet thinking, that processing time, can be hugely important.
But the thing is that these differences can really make a huge difference if we can identify without judging what's better without you know throwing out those stereotypes of this is what a leader looks like, or this is what an effective person at work looks like, or this is what someone who is successful in work looks like. You know often we associate that with loudness, and it's blatantly not true. So, we need to really be conscious in the way that we set up our thinking, our decision making, our discussions, our creative time to kind of solve problems in groups about the different preferences that will exist, and again that can come out in leadership but it can come out at any level in an organisation, but this is about your job in leading is to get the best out of the people around you at all levels, and that means thinking about those preferences, what people need to perform well. Is it quiet time? Is it prep time? Is it actually being in a room and kind of being quite loud and, you know then coming back to it.
So in terms of tailoring kind of interactions with these different styles you know, we obviously need a blend of approaches. You know there needs to be time for reflection and we need kind of to have quieter space and time for thinking embedded. And that's going to be uncomfortable for some of us, but for others it's an absolute necessity.
We're also going to need time and space for louder collaboration and kind of real opportunities for open dialog so that people can who are more extrovert or externally process their thinking can do that. And you know maybe some of that thinking and brainstorming needs to start taking place outside of the meeting rooms, outside of the decision making space, so that actually, if you need time and space on your own just to process you can do that. So that actually if you need to sit down with a couple of colleagues in advance of a meeting to process you can do that, but that requires two things. It requires you to be aware of what your preference is, and be actively acting on that to make sure you're getting the best out of yourself, and it needs you to be aware of other people's preferences so that their needs are also met.
Fundamentally, what we're talking about here is kind of fostering an environment that is inclusive of different people's preferences. That requires knowing those preferences. It requires an approach to meetings that facilitate and balance speaking and listening opportunities. I mean if you haven't read Time to Think yet, I absolutely I'll stick the link in the, the show notes but it's brilliant for this. Some of it might be impractical in some environments, but it is a style of creating that space in meetings, creating that space in your work culture to give people time to think about what they're going to say. Time to think about what they want to input.
I think all of this really just highlights the importance of self awareness in leadership. It's knowing your own preferences, not necessarily your own style because you can choose your style to suit a situation, but it's about your instinctive preferences and adjusting that to sort of meet the needs of the people around you.
So just to recap, we're thinking about quiet leadership as a thoughtful and intentional approach to leadership. It's acknowledging that it's just as valuable as maybe more vocal styles of leadership, the more stereotypical extrovert styles of leadership. Secondly we need to be thinking about the needs of everybody, those preferences, to not necessarily create a more harmonious workplace, you it's not about everybody being nice to everybody, it's actually about just getting the very best that we can from each other so that we can deliver whatever it is that we're there to deliver in terms of impact. It's really about acknowledging that great leadership can look very different. It can feel very different. But what a great leader will do is foster an environment that will allow a balance of these styles, that will allow everyone to really thrive.
And finally it's just really about acknowledging that we can do things differently. We can lead in lots of different ways. Diversity in leadership style is a real strength. It's not a challenge to the status quo. It's something that we really need to harness so that we get the best from everyone.
So finally I just invite you to sort of think about your own style, your own preferences. How can you really lean into your strengths while you appreciate other people's differences? I'd invite you, you know this week as you kind of you're sitting in your next meeting or you're thinking about how you set up your next big conversation, what are the preferences of the people that are sitting around that table, virtually or otherwise, but what are their preferences, do you know? Have you noticed? What are yours? And you know really try and take a minute to sort of observe and think about that. What are the strengths of those people around the table? What do they bring? Are they introverted or extroverted generally speaking, what does that contribute? Are they in an environment that allows them to contribute?
Whether you lead with a quiet presence or a more energetic voice, that is your superpower. It's what makes you you, so really lean into that. Try and understand it, understand how it impacts others and vice versa. And, you know take the time to think about the people around you and what they need from you as a result.
I hope that's been thought provoking. I hope it's been helpful. There'll be a couple of kind of things in the show notes to sort of if you want to expand your sort of thinking or reading on any of that, and again as always if you've got any comments or questions or you want to think about your own leadership style in more depth, then don't hesitate to reach out. Speak to you soon, take care.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Hit the follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at Resonate Leadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood, I'd absolutely love to hear from you.
Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique. I'm your host Ruth Wood. Take care and speak to you soon.
