58· Navigating Difficult Relationships - A Festive Guide
Podcast show notes
The festive season can be a mix of joy and tension, especially when navigating tricky relationships at work or at home.
In this episode, I talk about the common sources of conflict, like unspoken expectations and lingering tensions that bubble up when stress levels are high, and how to handle them with more calm and clarity.
We’ll explore strategies for setting boundaries, addressing behavior without getting personal, and prioritising quality time with people who truly lift you up! I’ll also touch on when it’s okay to step away from toxic dynamics entirely and how to protect your peace during the busiest time of the year. If the holidays feel overwhelming, this is your reminder to take care of yourself first!
Here are the highlights
(03:38) Sources of Conflict During the Festive Season
(04:44) Strategies for Managing Conflict
(10:08) Dealing with Grief and Loss
(11:43) Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Ruth
Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfill your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity or your resilience.
Hello and welcome to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. We're right in the heart of the festivities at the moment and really ramping up now as I'm recording this and it's going out we've sort of got just over a week to go until Christmas day and a couple of weeks to the end of the year and it feels like a last dash to finishing off things, handing on things at work, Christmas nights out still going on and I've got a couple still to go, stuff at school, loads and loads and loads going on and while it can be a time of real joy it can also be a time of real stress and depending on the dynamics of your team at work and the dynamics of your family at home, it can also be a time where we kind of get into a little bit more conflict than we might normally do. And because everything is heightened and we are all trying to manage our own expectations around it being a fun, exciting, lovely time of year, but at the same time probably a little bit tired and stressed out too. So it's like how do we how do we navigate this time of year without getting sucked into conflict and drama instead of enjoying the joy and happiness that we're supposed to be experiencing, we feel like we're supposed to be experiencing at this time of year?
So what we're going to do is going to have a think about where does this kind of conflict come from, I've alluded to one of the things there, what we can do about it to sort of navigate at this time of year as best we can and when we maybe need to just can it and draw a line onto things and move on. So just thinking first of all about where conflict comes from, this time of year I think there are a couple of areas really.
So first off kind of communication and expectations I think is a really big, chunky one. This is the time of year where you expect somebody to have done this, that or the other but you might not actually have articulated it and vice versa, they may have expectations of you but not actually being really clear about what those are. Whether it's me biting my husband's head off the other day or whether it's, it's something kind of bigger than that and again this can be work or home is a time to be really mindful of how we're communicating to people and how clear that communication is when everybody's busy, balls can be dropped, and it happens, and it's life, and we need to kind of maybe just take quite a, an understanding approach to that, to ourselves and to other people as well around that but really trying to focus on making sure we're clear in our communication at this time of year can it can be really helpful.
The other thing of course where you know conflict can bubble up from is pre existing stuff, stuff that might have, you might spend the last 11 months of the year pushing to one side, somehow at this time of year when we're a little bit tired, little bit overworked, when those expectations are high, somehow these things can just pop out. And again that might be in terms of all those things in your family that you don't really like to talk about but are there and everybody knows about, or it can be you know stuff at work where there's maybe a difficult relationship that has been bubbling along all year and something comes out at the works Christmas do and it all becomes a bit much. When we're kind of, we're not really focused on managing the relationships and things, things can pop out unexpectedly and that could be as a result of a drink too many at the works Christmas night out or it could be Christmas Day, the turkey got a bit burnt and we just lose it with the person who we always find it quite tricky to deal with in the family as well. So there's lots and lots of reasons that kind of conflict comes up at this time year and often it can be things that have been bubbling under the surface for quite a long time that become heightened when we're a bit stressed, a bit tired and have lots of things to juggle.
There are a few ways we can kind of try and deal with this. I think the first is kind of looking after ourselves through this period and really being mindful of our own tendencies and of what the relationships, which relationships are we potentially going to find tricky at this time of year and how do we think we really want to handle those if something comes up in the moment, we know the people, we know the relationships are difficult, it might not even be our relationship. It might be a relationship between two other people but that makes it very difficult for others in the group, whatever that group is. So really kind of that awareness of ourselves in amongst all of that. Awareness of our responsibility in the conflict. Is this our, is this our fight in the first place? Or actually is it, is it somebody else's? Is this something we want to address now, or is this something that we want to address later? And is this just a passing hiccup? Is it a passing moment of somebody's made an offhand remark that's maybe been a little bit hurtful or difficult for us, or is this actually a relationship that is challenging for us, you know how much of an issue is it basically, how do we kind of calibrate that in the moment and really think about how we want to respond? So kind of be mindful of that as well, is it a difficult moment or is this challenging relationship full stop for us? And you know then the way that we want to potentially address it could be quite different.
I think at this time of year you know part of, of managing our way through is, is boundaries again, you know I come back to this time and time again but it's really kind of being able to say no to things or to ask for help for things so that we can enjoy ourselves so that we're not so overwhelmed with the amount of work that we're trying to do either, whether that's kind of emotional labour, home labour, you know working, work, work, wherever those additional responsibilities crop up for us it's actually gracefully saying no to things that we really don't feel at ours to do and not taking on more than we can actually manage, or want to manage more importantly possibly. I think also, you know if there is a bit of a confrontation at any point, you know really remembering to focus on the behaviors that we're not happy with and not getting into the personality issues is really important. Saying like I've noticed that you keep interrupting or undercutting me when I'm trying to get my point across, can we just talk about what's going on? Now this is one that you can use any time about anything pretty much, but it's really important that if somebody is kind of undermining us or getting on our nerves or whatever it is or there's been a difference in behavior from that person for some reason, that if we're going to address it at that point, and we always have a choice about when is the right time to address these things, that we are really focusing on the behaviors and not the individual and the personality and their character, and we're not going in for a character assassination, we're trying to draw attention to a behavior that we're finding hard to deal with or difficult.
Obviously if we've been at the Christmas party or something and something quite difficult has happened, somebody's been inappropriate in some way then obviously that's a whole other level and we need to be talking to HR and getting things documented and whatnot and dealt with on different channels. How are we going to navigate some of these relationships at home? Well, I think with your nearest and dearest, you know we need to be able to articulate our own needs clearly. We need to be honest if we're kind of in a place where we're super overwhelmed and tired and fed up and actually we're not enjoying this season then we need to be talking about that and we need to be asking for help and other people to step in and and carry some of that stuff for us because we, we should all be enjoying some of this.
The other thing is to prioritise quality over quantity, and what do I mean by that? Well, with this I'm really thinking you know about those relationships that really lift you up and fill you up and that really meaningful connection. We all crave it and this time of year especially, we need to really be focusing on that. It can be really, really busy, there can be lots of invitations and demands on our time, but look at what's what you're being asked to do and go to and who you're being asked to spend time with, and you know if you can filter out a few of the ones that you don't really need to do so that you have more time with the people who really, really matter to you and the relationships that really, really matter to you then do that.
There might be some that are really difficult to avoid, some difficult relationships that it's hard to kind of step away from but as much as possible, make this time about the people who mean the most.
Obviously this time here can be difficult for other reasons as well and that might be something that's happened in your family, it might be that you've lost someone important at this time of year. It might be the first or the second or the third year, doesn't really matter how many years does it, but that someone is missing. This time of year can be hard in a relationship perspective around grief and loss and kind of big family events that may have happened that have been difficult to manage at this time of year and that all comes back. If that's the case for you and you're finding it hard, you know speak to a friend, speak to a therapist, have some coaching, you know connect with people who can, who can help you and can help you to understand and navigate that, because it can be a tough time of year for lots and lots of different reasons. It's all about relationships and things but you know we can kind of get support to help manage it.
We also need to think about when it's time to walk away. I talked about this last week when I was talking about toxic cultures at work but it applies here as well. If you have relationships that are really so toxic for you and not great then this is not the time of year to be spending time with those people in those relationships, so really thinking about actually when it's time to just step back and take yourself out of a situation, or not go to an event because actually it's just going to be too difficult to manage. You don't have to manage these things all the time. So if something really feels like that for you then cut it out if you can.
Just to sort of wrap up I've talked a bit about how while this season can be, can be challenging in terms of conflict and navigating kind of tricky dynamics with people, whether that's at work or at home, you know the holidays can also be really joyful, but only if we're not over extending ourselves all the time so we need to really protect some time for our relationships that really matter to us, for the really positive dynamics and relationships that we have in our life and saying no to things that are going to take away from that.
If any of this has sort of touched you in some way or you've got some comments or some questions then please do reach out, I always love to hear from everybody. Thanks very much for being with me today and I look forward to speaking to you again next week. Take care.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Hit the follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at Resonate Leadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood, I'd absolutely love to hear from you.
Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique. I'm your host Ruth Wood. Take care and speak to you soon.
