57· Toxic Work Environments - Stay Or Walk Away
Podcast show notes
Toxic work environments are more than just stressful, they can be soul destroying. In this episode, I share personal experiences and practical advice on recognising when your workplace is harming your mental well being.
We’ll explore the key red flags, from poor communication to constant micromanagement, and discuss how to decide if it’s time to stay or go. If you’re feeling undervalued or burned out, this is for you!
Here are the highlights
(03:43) Key Traits of a Toxic Work Environment
(08:03) Red Flags and Practical Strategies
(13:47) Exit Strategy
(15:19) Recap
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Ruth
Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfill your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity or your resilience.
Hello and welcome to today's episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Today we are diving into a topic that hits close to home for many of us, toxic work environments. Whether it's the office politics, a micro-managing boss, constant stress, working in places like this can really drain your energy and leave you questioning if it's all worth it? You know when you walk away at the end of the day and you're exhausted, depleted and it has just not been a great experience. I spent a couple of years in a team that felt like that and it was pretty soul destroying. The work itself was fantastic. The immediate people that I worked with were fantastic. But what made that environment toxic were two leaders who well, I'm being generous when I describe them as leaders, it was a chaotic environment. There was very little clarity of direction. It was one of those ones where the last person to speak, kind of it was their point that got carried rather than actually somebody who was able to kind of take the gist of conversations and, and make it cohesive and coherent and kind of give us a way forward. And there were some really toxic behaviors in there as well, not just the flip flopping and kind of lack of decision making and lack of clarity but some real underlying beliefs about who was valued and who wasn't valued from both of those leaders and it was pretty horrendous for the people in the environment. It really genuinely felt like being in the trenches a little bit. And for a lot of people it made them question whether they were going to stay or whether they were going to go, not just in the team but with the organization and that's a really bad place to be in, because of course you get organizations which have a culture sort of overarching but within every organization there are lots of little microcosms and individual leaders make a huge difference to those microcosms. You can have one part of an organization that is functioning absolutely brilliantly, brilliant team, really operating, led well, all of that stuff. And you can have another part of an organization which is floundering and you know people are leaving and it's, it's just a mess and that's down to leadership styles, fundamentally and people's ability to kind of drive good behaviors in, in the organization, or the business. And, you know sometimes we have to make a choice, as I kind of mentioned earlier, people in that scenario we're really thinking, right am I staying in this team or am I leaving? Am I staying in this organization or am I leaving? And I think that's it fundamentally, when you can put up with this stuff day after day after day you really need to think about is it time to walk away, you know is this actually damaging me and my professional kind of career, my abilities, my confidence, my soul? Sometimes it feels like that. It is literally soul destroying.
So what is it that actually makes a work environment toxic? Well there are quite a few kind of key traits I think. You may well have experienced more but I'll highlight a few of the really key ones. I think as my story earlier alluded to pure communication can be at the root of a lot of things, that really lack of clarity for teams and business areas can, can really hurt people you know if everybody's overlapping and you're treading on each other's toes that can cause quite a lot of conflict and sort of hostility. You know sometimes you get this really sort of passive aggressive style of communication that can kind of come out of some leaders and that can be hugely undermining for the people who work with them.
You can also kind of get workplaces obviously where there's a lot of hostility or outright bullying, you know from a gender kind of point of view that can show up as sexual harassment and worse. Obviously in those sorts of scenarios it really makes for a miserable workplace, a miserable experience, and something that can be truly traumatizing and you know this happens day in, day out to people. You know there's a reason that NDA’s are popular in some workplaces and you know that's obviously never a good sign.
Can also kind of be a slightly more subtle version of that where there are unrealistic demands. You know, I remember kind of points where you know well, we've got to do more with less and I don't know how many times that was said and it's just like, well how? Yes we can look at process efficiencies, yes we can you know do all those sorts of things but when you're talking about people, organizations, if you are in, especially if you're in a place where there's a lack of clarity around direction and that communication isn't in place but somehow still there are these demands to do more and you see this a lot. We must do more without more resource, you know it just makes people feel like they're on this ridiculous treadmill and they're constantly having to give, give, give, give, give. And it leads to sort of that lack of work-life balance. It can lead to sort of hero cultures. It can lead to that sort of real long hours culture which you know in the long term sometimes it's necessary you know if there's a crisis, there's a crisis and everybody has to chip in and get stuff done, that's fair enough but we can't always be in crisis mode. And in a lot of organizations that is the pace that's expected constantly. And when human capital is at the root of your success as an organization, then you need to look after it and you cannot expect that constant, constant long hours drive.
I think what also plays into this is, you know underlying all of this really is a lack of respect and recognition of how people show up. You know and there is nothing more demotivating than that. If you don't feel that you showing up every day is having an impact or worthwhile, that nobody sees it, you know sometimes you know inside yourself when you've done a good job and you can go yeah, I was great there, but sometimes you really do need to hear it from other people and when you don't, when it's not recognized or validated and especially if you're in a situation where other people's work is being recognized and validated and yours isn't that can really be hugely undermining in terms of confidence but also undermine your sense of competence, you know which is almost worse. You know we don't always need to be recognizing people with money. You know it's money, isn't your bonuses and pay rises, they matter, of course they do, we all live in the real world but they're not the only things that can build a positive culture, far from it.
I was reading a post on LinkedIn earlier on and lady who had left her role, senior role in a company where the culture was absolutely toxic and gone to work in Tesco and she said that she felt more valued and was happier going to work in Tesco than she had been for the last few years in her very senior, highly paid role. And I think that's the thing, it really doesn't, it doesn't take much more than noticing people, than praising them, then respecting their contribution and recognizing it. It's not always going to be brilliant but when it is really recognizing it to create a positive culture.
So kind of what are the red flags to look for? You know if you're thinking about you know moving to a new organization, when you're thinking about maybe going to work in a different team, some of the red flags you're thinking about high turnover, you're thinking about lack of trust, you know is that team micromanaged or are they allowed to just kind of crack on and really play to their strengths? Do you see them being valued? Is there sort of recognition beyond this of HR reward and recognition policies? What is the culture within that team, not just within the organization but within the team that you might be going to? Or if you're in your early days in a team you know really look out for those sorts of red, red flags. If people are upping and leaving there's a reason for it. I think the thing is we you know we need to recognize that we can't always up sticks and leave. Life doesn't always allow us to do that because we often have financial responsibilities, other responsibilities or maybe there are positives in the overall company policies, maybe flexible working, those sorts of things that actually mean that overall, the organization works for us but maybe this particular team doesn't. Or maybe it's just all awful but we can't afford to leave and that's just how it is. Maybe the market's not great in terms of looking for alternative moves.
So you know, sometimes there's just not that option. So what do we do in that case when we can't just up and walk? Well I think there are a few kind of really practical strategies that we need to think about, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, I know I bang on about it a lot but you know in this sort of scenario especially where things can be so depleting, you do not want to find yourself in burnout, and I think in these toxic work environments it is you know there's going to be a much higher prevalence, you know that's another thing to look for is are people off on sort of sick leave or stress leave, you know as a result of working in this environment, another red flag to think about.
So really important in this kind of scenario to be protecting your time and your energy and thinking about actually, what's my cut off point? How do I sort of fill my cup in other ways in order that I can kind of keep going when I really, really have to, really making time to take care of yourself outside of work as well so you know using that time to prioritize things that make you feel good, be with people who make you feel good and you know time to to sort of for active rest if that makes sense.
As I said you know a lot of businesses it's not all toxic. Some of it might be, you know there are going to be some who are, but finding allies, finding people within that environment, or people in different teams who are not in the super toxic bit that you're in potentially, you know who can act as something of a support system for you, who can understand, help you navigate, bolster you in other ways and really kind of trying to think a bit creatively about how to do that, so that you, even in work have people who will be in a more positive place and can help you to kind of keep that, keep that little, teeny weeny bit of hope and positivity alive inside when it's, when it's really tough going.
Another one, and again I've shared this before but I think it's one that I, I certainly always come back to is really thinking about your mindset, thinking about what you can actually control, you know and mentally letting go of all the stuff that you can't. If it's a toxic boss that you're dealing with, you know you can't really change that unless you've hit a point where it's time to speak to HR and it's grievance time and you know you're into a different sort of, you know, place. Then, you know really just focusing on the things that you can control. You can control when you start in the morning. You can control when you leave at night. You can control what you choose to prioritize on, if nobody else is setting priorities for you set your own. You know those are things you can control what you spend your time on to a degree, and choose things that you know you can have an impact with, and I think being really clear with yourself about that is important.
Finally, you know if, if it is all just awful then I've said this in previous episodes, track what you're experiencing. Keep a note of incidents. Make sure you know if it is really bad that you are sort of keeping emails and you know, yes keeping a bit of a diary of what's going on. You know it might be that you're thinking about leaving because there's just no career growth where you are and you're finding that really demotivating. Nobody's investing in you, investing in your development. And yes you can choose to invest in your own development, but you know you also because it goes back to that point about recognition. You want other people to recognize that you're worth investing in and if they're not doing that, you know then it's time to think about something else. And sometimes, you know you can just be dreading going into work to the point that it's affecting your personal life. It's affecting your life at home, it's having an impact on your relationships and you know then it is definitely time to think about what am I doing here? Is this really worth it?
Obviously if you're thinking about a bit of an exit strategy, you know there's all the practical things to do like getting your CV updated, you know updating yourself on LinkedIn, getting out there and networking can be really hard to do when you're you're running out of energy anyway and you're kind of mentally, potentially in a difficult place but really look at the network that you've already got. Who could introduce you where? What other networking opportunities are available to you? You know really starting to get out there, and you know practically, financially preparing for an exit as well. You know have you got enough in the bank? How much do you need? All that sort of stuff.
It can be really easy especially if we've been in a workplace for a long time to feel like there's no nothing else out there. There is. There are other things out there that you will find interesting. There are places to work where you will be recognized and you really don't have to stick it out. It can be really hard to sort of do that if you feel like you've invested so much in this, this organization, in this particular career path when you personally feel like you've given so much, it could be hard to walk away. But people do it and they survive and they move on and the difference to work in a place where you're recognized and rewarded and seen and heard is phenomenal. So you know you've really got to weigh up for you. Do you keep throwing good money after bad or do you kind of cut your losses and move somewhere else?
So quick recap. We've covered what makes the workplace toxic and how to identify it. We've talked about how to cope when you can't leave like immediately and I've talked a bit about some of the signs when it's time to leave and some steps that you can start to take to, to prepare for your next move. I think the most important thing I really want to emphasize is that when you work in a toxic environment the level of stress can be unbearable at times and we have to prioritize mental health and well being above everything else. Don't leave it until it's too late.
So I would just encourage you to sort of reflect a little bit. Is your current workplace serving you or draining you? You know if you are coming home exhausted, you sort of in conflict all the time in your organization. You know it's, it's time to really think, do I want to stay or do I want to go? What am I worth? You know because it's got to be more than that. You deserve to work in an environment that supports your growth and your well being. So you know you can absolutely take steps to change that, whether that's an internal move, whether it's moving organization, whatever it might be, there are always other options and choices open to you. So don't lose hope of that or sight of that.
I hope this has been helpful. Let me know if this is sort of affecting you at the moment. You know feel free to DM if you don't want to like post openly obviously about this on social media, but yeah, send me a message if this is kind of affecting you and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Take care.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Hit the follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at Resonate Leadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood, I'd absolutely love to hear from you.
Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique, I'm your host Ruth Wood. Take care and speak to you soon.
