40· Space For Me
Podcast show notes
In this episode, we’re talking about something that often gets lost in the hustle – space for yourself. Life can get so full, and we’re constantly juggling responsibilities, often forgetting to prioritise our own needs.
Today, I’m sharing three simple strategies to help you carve out a little bit of that much-needed space in your daily life.
Whether it's creating a quiet moment just for you, identifying what you truly need, or reconnecting with dreams that have slipped off the radar, this episode is all about putting you back at the centre of your own life.
Here are the highlights
(02:01) Creating space for personal time in a busy life
(04:24) Personal time in the morning
(07:36) Making self-care a habit
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Ruth
Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfill your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity or your resilience.
Welcome to this week's episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. If you're back after listening a few times, it's great to see you here again. And if this is your first time listening to the show, I really hope you enjoy it and get what you need from it.
Today, I'm talking all about space. Space for us in our own lives. It can be quite hard sometimes to really slow down and switch off. And some of you may have found that over the summer, I know that I kind of find that it takes me a few days, really, to sort of get into a holiday or get into a break. You know, when life is so packed full and busy most of the rest of the time, and sometimes in all that rushing around in business and in the usual kind of structure and mechanics and habits of the day to day, we sort of lose sight of where we're at with things. And we lose sight of space for us. We're so busy doing things for everybody else that we lose sight of space for us. So in this episode, I'm going to be sharing my top three tips for creating space for yourself in your own life when you've got a busy personal life, a busy work life and loads going on.
This really came up for me in quite a big way, maybe about three years ago. I had just sort of started my business. I was working really hard on my health and trying to kind of get fit, which is a constant refrain in my life. And, you know, I've got three kids. I was busy with that and all the usual things that go on, and I was working with a coach to kind of help me with my health and other things as well, but that was kind of our main focus at that particular point, and she was sort of, I hadn't had the best week. I'll put it to you that way. It hadn't been my finest hour in terms of this trying to get fit and healthy thing, she said to me, so what was getting in the way? And I reeled off, well, there's this thing and this thing and this thing, and then there's this thing and this thing and this thing. And she sort of said, well, what do you, what do you notice about that? Just that there's a lot going on, and sometimes there's just not enough time and space and for me, and she sort of really made me pause, and kind of like was like really? Really, is that true? When we looked at it in like, a little bit more depth, what had happened was, you know, I had this, I'd just launched the business, and I had all of this going on on that side, and I had the kids and family life on the other side, and it was like these two things were sort of squashed together. And she said, well where are you in all of this? And it really gave me pause for thought because to me, that was all me, and that's what what I said to her, and she was like, but that's all about you meeting everybody else's needs. And yes, the business is a little bit about a dream of mine and something that I wanted to do. But it was when it came down to it work. Like she said, what about you? Like you as a human being? I was just a bit lost for words for a while because I hadn't even noticed it happening. You know, the hobbies slipping away, some of the things that I would have spent time doing, a lot less time with friends and things as well. Like, just for me, my friends and I think it's something, you know, speaking to friends and clients, it's something that comes up a lot for people, you you're so busy, busy, busy, that you kind of just lose sight, not intentionally of course, but things fall away, things that you love to do, and people that you love to spend time with. It sort of all just slowly goes and suddenly it's just this hamster wheel. You're just on the treadmill all the time, and I don't mean the health related treadmill, I could do with a bit more of that, but that's a story for another day.
So for me, there's, there's really three things that have helped me sort of try and find a better balance, try and kind of create some space for me in my own life. The first thing really was having thinking space. And I mean that in two different ways. So one way, sort of that I have thinking space, is that I pretty much always am working with another coach, not every week, sometimes not even fortnightly. Sometimes it'll just be a monthly session that is a space and a time for me just to reflect, to plan, to kind of of clear the decks a little bit, and to kind of take stock of where I'm at with different things. And that sort of thinking space helps me to kind of retain a focus on me and what I need and want.
But the other sort of thinking space that I really try and don't always succeed with, but really try to create each day is just a peaceful time in the day, just to be. Not really, not to do, not necessarily to think actually even, just to sit quietly and be. There's no pressure on that time. There's no doing anything for anybody else. It usually involves a cup of coffee or something, but this is something where, you know, I, my perfect time to do it, when I'm in really good habits and good routines, is earlier in the morning. So before everybody's up, when the house is still lovely and still and quiet, the dawn's just sort of starting maybe, and just to sit with a cup of coffee early in the morning and watch what's going on in the garden and just come to just kind of ease my way into my day. And I really find that that helps me be in a good place and set myself up for a good day, and I find that I really need that alone time.
The problem that I find, and I'll do this as a word of warning for everybody else, a word of warning is that sometimes I find when I'm not in good routines, that need for personal time, just for me, sometimes comes at the very end of the day, and that then can compromise my sleep habits, which is something that I can slip into quite easily, too easily, and it's not great, but I have such a need for that peaceful moment in the day, somewhere in the day that, that yeah sometimes I end up creating other issues as a result, but it is something that, if you have that time, just for you, for me, it feels like a little luxury. And that sounds crazy, but when everything's so busy, a luxury is just to sit down for 20 minutes, half an hour on your own, when it's quiet and just be. So think about when you could create that in your day. Might not need to be as long as that, but just something that is yours, just to be quiet and still if you can. You'll plan it in. Make it a habit. Make it something that you can, can happen every day.
The second thing really is to spend some time thinking about your own needs. This comes up a lot when I work with my own coach, and it comes up a lot when I'm working with my own clients. So what are your needs? You may think about physically, mentally, emotionally. You just take some time to ask yourself these questions, and you can do that now, or come back to this later, or just jot the questions down if you've got pen and paper to hand, but just really checking in with yourself regularly around this. It could be in your quiet time. It could be a different time. It could be when you're walking the dog, whatever, but come back to these questions regularly. What does my body need to feel good? What boosts my mental energy? What makes me feel good, and what do I need to prioritize and make space for to bring these things into my life or back into my life?
Now it might be that your answers to those questions, you some of those things, you have built good habits around. They are in your your day to day, but if you could have come back to these, either it will help you keep them there and keep prioritizing them, or you'll start to notice when some of those habits slip and I think that's kind of the the danger that we're in when we're so busy is that without even noticing, some of these things can slip away. What I would also say is to watch out here when you're asking yourself these things, especially that one about prioritizing. Prioritizing those things for yourself. Because sometimes we get those little voices in our heads that, you know, you start that argument in your own head of, well, you know, I really want to do this, and then your other little voice goes, Oh, but I can't do that, because that would mean I couldn't do X, Y, Z for this person, or you start to talk yourself out of it, I can't possibly fit all that in. And you know, there's a bit of self sabotaging that can go on when we get into that sort of internal argument with ourselves. And sometimes it comes from a place where maybe we believe that putting ourselves first is selfish, or we have a sense that we're not worth it. We might not that articulate that to ourselves, but that's often where it's coming from. Or it's simply that we believe that somebody else's needs are more important than ours.
If that is happening for you, and especially if it's because you think you’re being a little bit selfish by taking more time for yourself, what I would encourage you to do is think about yourself as a role model. And I don't just mean if you've got children, I mean to anybody who's looking at you and other people do look. When you don't put yourself first, at least sometimes, what are other people seeing? What are they seeing? I mean, don't get me wrong, some people might kind of go, oh, look, she's this amazing person that does all these things for other people. But actually, if that leads to you being tired, run down, not looking after yourself, not being at your best, then that's what they're seeing. They're not necessarily seeing all the effort and things. So, really think about you as a role model for other people around about you, whether that's at work, whether that's at home. When you put yourself first, you give other people the permission to do the same and to look after their needs.
The third thing is to think about what you want. What do you actually want to be spending your time and energy doing or creating? What are the dreams and ambitions you used to have that maybe sort of slipped off your radar, went sideways, and these might not be work related. It could be as simple as hobbies that you love that have dropped off, a place you wanted to go and spend time in. It could be anything at all, but we all have dreams, or we will have had them at some point, and they might not be as relevant anymore, or they might be, but what are your dreams and wants now? Are you in the right place doing the things that you really want to be doing, or actually do you need to create space in your life to be moving towards some of those dreams that have have fallen away? Spending time doing the things that you love.
Really quick summary of those three things, I mean, the first off is just to create some peaceful, still time for yourself, every day if you possibly can, and to turn that into a habit. The second thing is to spend a little bit of time just answering those questions I put out about your own needs, sort of are you meeting your own needs in your life at the moment? And thirdly, thinking about what you actually want? You might not need these things, but they might be unfulfilled dreams or desires, or, you know, ambitions, things that you've always wanted to do or try that you've kind of forgotten or semi forgotten. Dust them off. Create some space to do something about that. You matter, but it is sometimes easy to forget that in the busyness of everything.
Finally, if you want some help with any of this, with putting yourself back in center of your own life and work, then sign up for my September Reset Package. It's a really short, sharp intervention you can take within a month or two months, just to help get you pointed in the right direction again, asking yourselves the right questions and really motoring on towards the end of the year. You'll benefit from it, and so will everybody else around you. I’ll put the link for that in the show notes. Take care.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Hit the follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at Resonate Leadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood, I'd absolutely love to hear from you. Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique. I'm your host. Ruth Wood, take care and speak to you soon you.
