28 · A cup of ambition
Podcast show notes
Welcome to Episode 28!
In this episode we're talking about ambition. Specifically, how women and girls having ambition can often be looked down upon. Ambition is not a dirty word, but sometimes it can be seen that way.
I want to talk about why thats harmful, and what we can do to change this stereotype...
Here are the highlights
(01:02) Women face criticism for being ambitious
(05:56) Career progression
(09:31) Being knocked back
Links
Read the Fawcett Society Research here
Sign up here for my mini-course – Find Your Power & Lead With Ease.
Connect with Ruth
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Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfil your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity, or your resilience.
Ambition is not a dirty word. But it doesn't have to be at any rate. And yet for women, sometimes it can be How often have you heard someone say, wow, she's ambitious in an admiring way? Very often it's said with a sense of distaste, or kind of criticism, as if there's something wrong with women being ambitious. They're quite different if you think about the way people talk about men being ambitious, it's it's seen in a much more positive way. Unless they're on a power grab of course and then people think about it quite differently. And of course, for women, unless you're Beyonce because she's never hid any of her ambition. And boy has she succeeded.
Today's episode, I'm going to be exploring our attitudes towards ambition and offering a couple of key approaches to achieving and embracing yours. So very often when we're growing up, women and girls aren't expected to be sort of compliant and quiet. You know, it's the good girl sort of stereotype. And there's been an awful lot of research around teachers and what happens in education, with girls and the amount of teacher attention and things that they get, how outspoken they're allowed to or expected to be, what they're praised for, and not praised for, in comparison to boys. And there was some really good Fawcett Society research on this last year.
And, you know, if we're growing up in a context where we're expected to be quiet and compliant, women's ambitions, because it's not that we don't have them, you we all have goals, we all have things that we want to do and achieve. And sometimes it might not even be something that specific that we know, this might be something that evolves. But we have this feeling inside of ourselves that we are capable, that we can, that we are more or can offer more than we're currently doing.
So I don't necessarily mean that ambition is I know that I want to get to this level, it can be that, but it can be something of a little bit less tangible. It's the sense of, of drive and wanting more. And that kind of is at odds a little bit, you know, in terms of the way that women are allowed to express ambition, this early approach, in education and at home of girls can being expected to be quiet and compliant can really have an impact as we go down the line in terms of what it feels like we're allowed to express in terms of what we want out of life and out of our careers.
I'm going to refer again to the McKinsey and Lean In research recently from earlier this year, actually, it was published, that shows that women are no less ambitious than men. It's the difference between women and men in terms of our ambitions is or in the expression of these ambitions. It's much more challenging for women to say, I have ambitions, I want to achieve this, I'm ready for that next promotion. Give it to me. It's also quite different for women in terms of having people expect that of you, you know, what are the expectations that other people have over us? And what are the expectations that we have ourselves? And you know, this will be different in different families, depending on backgrounds and things and it will be different in different classes. You know, if, if you are, you know, intersectionality really plays into this a lot and could have early life experiences and things. Other people, if they don't have expectations of you, it’s quite difficult to have expectations for yourself. So having those recognised and nurtured throughout your life, or not having that has a massive impact.
There was a report a while back from the Institute of Leadership and Management around ambition and gender at work. And it really highlights that one of the big things that can support women in kind of moving forward and expressing ambition in their careers, and taking opportunities is sort of coaching and mentoring. And we know this, it helps to build confidence. It helps to women to express ambition more readily and it helps you to put your hand up and kind of step forward into opportunities.
But of course we also on the flip side of that have to have organisations and managers who are open to that, who sort of are prepared to listen and are not going to let the usual kind of gender stereotypes get in the way. So I can't remember if I’ve said this before, but having had a boss who kind of I was just married, was having a conversation about a potential promotion opportunity. And you know the question was, well, you know, you've obviously just got married, you know, do you do you have family plans, and you know, manage that situation, then he rode back very quickly but those thoughts can still be there.
And sometimes, they're there within us as well. And we can hold ourselves back.
Unfortunately, we can't really control unless we're in positions of kind of senior leadership. And even then it's not always easy, but we can't control how other people respond to us, we can't necessarily control our organisational environment, unless we're prepared to up sticks and leave of course, but let's focus on what we can control.
So there are two things I think that are really, really important when you're thinking about career progression and you're thinking about your own ambitions. The first thing is to have a plan. Now, that plan doesn't need to be massively detailed, and you don't need to know where you're going to be this year, next year, five years, 10 years. But you need to at least acknowledge to yourself to start with what your ambitions are, to acknowledge that you want to go further, even if you don't know quite what that looks like yet.
And even without knowing what that might look like, that openness to opportunity is really important. So how do we think about that in an organisational context? So if you do know that you want to stay within the organisation you're currently in, you need to know the basic stuff, you need to know when the promotion rounds are, you need to know what evidence you need to get together, you need to be planning ahead for what sort of breadth or depth of experience or expertise that they may be looking for in particular areas. What is it that you need to demonstrate over the next year, two years, in order to be eligible even to be considered? Now most organisations, this stuff is fairly set in stone. And even by beginning to ask the questions, you're starting to put your hand up, you're starting to position yourself as someone who wants to be considered. So you know, what is the support that you might need? In order to get that evidence together to get that that experience?
And if you're thinking that actually, I don't see myself moving ahead in this organisation, well, then you need to be thinking about what's the next move? Where do I want to be? What sort of organisation do I want to be? Do I want to be working for myself? You know what is the kind of opportunity that you're really looking for? And how do you need to prepare for that? What are the essentials that you need to have in place, in order to be in a position to make that sort of move?
So lots of questions to think about there and lots of information gathering almost at this point. And that will come more easily to some people than to others. But it is really important. And if you step yourself through that, again, it's not necessarily with a very specific endpoint in mind, you might have that. But if you don't, this will put you in a position where you're prepared, you're ready and you're open to what might come your way. You're also starting to have the right sorts of conversations, both in terms of with HR and with your line management chain.
The second thing, really to think about is your mindset. And this is probably more important than anything else. Because we often keep herself stuck, our brains were wired to keep ourself safe. And that can sometimes make change and making kind of career decisions quite tricky. Knowing what the right path is for us can be quite difficult. You know, maybe an opportunity doesn't come up that you were hoping would, maybe you kind of put yourself forward for promotion, and you're kind of knocked back in the early stages.
Maybe you go for an interview and you kind of get partway through the process, and it still doesn't come off. Maybe doubts start to creep into your mind, even before you got there. What if I don't make it through? What if I don't achieve what I want to achieve? This kind of comes back to whether or not you want to kind of approach this with a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. If you’re kind of going into this sort of fear of failure is really crippling for you. Again, a lot of that comes down to that early conditioning, be a good girl, have a pat on the head, do your best. And, you know, sit there expecting to be rewarded.
And it doesn't really work like that. We do need to kind of grip these things. And we're not going to succeed every time.
So we really need to try and be shifting into our growth mindset to prepare ourselves for this sort of stuff. We need to accept that failing is only failing if we don't learn from it. So asking yourself, okay, what's the worst that can happen from this? I've signalled that I'm open to opportunity. I've signalled that I'm up for doing the work in terms of my personal and professional development, you've started to have those conversations, you will have learned from the experience, you know, so what have you learned from going through the process? Where are the bits you need to work on? What are the conversations you need to have with people next to figure out what your next move is? What have you achieved from what you've done so far? And what have you learned?
And at the end of the day, we're all gonna have setbacks at different points in our career. I've had a few. I didn't even get into the civil service fast stream, the first time I applied, I had an absolute shocker in the exam. And you know, I had to wait a year and go back and try again. I've had that with interviews and jobs that I've gone for, I've not got everything I've ever gone for. For me, you know, the very first time it was really hard and it hurt, it stung. But, you know, actually it’s just brought to mind last week's episode. And you know Becky's advice, have a duvet day, have a day where you kind of lick your wounds, and, you know, then get back up again, dust yourself off, and think about okay, what have I learned from that? And how am I going to move forward? It's all achievable. It's just figuring out how to move forward and how to keep taking those steps in the direction that you want to go. It's about having those conversations so that other people know that you have those ambitions for yourself.
So in summary, you two real things that we need to think about in terms of ambition. First off, actually, there's more than two things. But first off, it’s not a bad thing. It's not a dirty word. We need to normalise ambition for women and girls. Other people not might not have massive expectations for us. But we absolutely can have them for ourselves. Encouraging the women and girls around us to be more vocal about their own ambitions.
But two things you really need to think about. First off, is getting a plan together, thinking about those questions I was asking earlier, making sure you understand what's needed to be ready for opportunities, and what's needed to create them for yourself to start nudging forward. And the second thing is that point about mindset. Failure is only failure if you don't learn from it. So if you can come into this with a growth mindset, be open to trying and having a goal and then learning from your experiences.
Finally, yeah, absolutely we just need to be normalising ambition for women and girls. It’s a really good thing. In the words of Dolly Parton, pour yourself a cup of ambition. You may not be working nine to five, it may be a lot longer than that. But definitely get that cup of ambition down you. If you're ready to acknowledge your own ambitions and you want to increase your impact and get the recognition you deserve. I've got a free download. It's a private podcast. It'll be delivered direct to your inbox over a few days. It's all about finding your power and how to use it to increase your influence and impact. And I've dropped the link in the show notes. So get on that. And let's start normalising ambition for women and girls.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Hit the follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram @resonateleadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood. I’d absolutely love to hear from you.
Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique. I'm your host, Ruth Wood. Take care and speak to you soon.
