55· The Exhausting Part
Podcast show notes
The festive season is here, and with it comes the whirlwind of planning, hosting, and endless to do lists.
In this episode, I’m talking about the pressure many women feel to create a picture perfect celebration while juggling work, family, and everything in between. From letting go of perfectionism to prioritising meaningful connections, we’ll explore practical ways to avoid burnout and actually enjoy this busy time of year!
I’ll also share tips on asking for help, delegating tasks, and carving out time for self care, because you deserve to feel as festive as everyone else!
Here are the highlights
(02:38) Letting Go of Perfectionism
(03:30) Embracing Connection and Socialising
(07:12) Asking for and Accepting Help
(09:25) Practicing Self Care
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Ruth
Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfill your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity or your resilience.
Hello, hello and welcome to today's episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Thank you for being here with me again this week and if you're new to the podcast welcome. Today I'm going to be talking about this time of year. So when this episode goes out it's November here in the UK, we're on the run up to sort of Christmas festivities and New Year and everybody I talk to, or all my female friends, are sort of hitting that point in the year where kids are sick, there's probably been some in service days and we've maybe forgotten about, certainly I was guilty of that last week. And we're sort of thinking about, I've got to get all this stuff finished at work. I've got a list as long as my arm of things to organize for Christmas, presents, this, that and the other, and I'm feeling like it's just quite overwhelming. And I felt like that probably since the kids came along at Christmas, I remember Christmas being fun, like I used to love it. I used to sort of enjoy catching up with friends. It was really festive. I didn't have, you know I’ve got some presents to buy for parents and some friends but there wasn't a lot to it really. Where now it feels sort of like life has shifted. I'm in that point of life, as are most of my my friends and colleagues, where we're having everybody to our house for Christmas and Boxing Day and all those sorts of things and doing a lot more hosting, plus all the kids stuff and the school stuff and the endless non uniform days and Christmas fairs and bring presents for teachers and all the other stuff that kind of goes along with this time of year. And you know this is true of any festivity really I think and I think, I don't think, I know that by and large the bulk of the prep work falls on women for whatever the festification is, whether it's a birthday, whether it's Diwali, whether it's Eid, whether it's Christmas you know whatever, whatever you're celebrating the run up to that adds to women's workloads very often and so today sort of I want to talk a little bit about, I'm not even going to talk about balancing it because I don't really think there's a great deal of balancing involved, but I think there are some things we can think about to make sure that we're taking care of ourselves in amongst all of this, and that we we actually get to enjoy these events as well and it's not just about us doing things for everyone else and don't get me wrong I mean I quite enjoy shopping for presents. I like thinking about what other people might like. I hate wrapping but you know there are, there are elements of this time of year that I really enjoy and there are other bits that I really, really don't like, I said wrapping, but it's thinking about actually what we need and how we can take care of ourselves and how we can evolve other people in order that we actually get to enjoy the festivities as well.
Consider this your pre festive season check in. It can, you can pick it up again at different times of year if you, you feel like you need to but yes. So first thing I want to talk about today is letting go of perfectionism. I think with anything you know we have this perfect picture in our heads of what Christmas should look like or what Diwali should be like and there are loads of traditions and as well as cultural traditions we probably have family traditions and expectations around it as well and around how the day should run and what we should be doing and all those sorts of things and you know if you are someone who has a little bit of a tendency to perfectionism at the best of times, this time of year, this time of year can really bring it on for sure. So it's worth just thinking about, am I a perfectionist? How much of that am I projecting on to this time of year? How much of that is actually adding to my sense of pressure, of overwhelm, of having lists and lists and lists of things to do and when you when you look at it actually what could you change that would allow you to enjoy this time of year more?
What of those perfectionist, the elements could you let go of? Is it the perfectly dressed tree, or is that something you really enjoy actually as part of the process? Is it the beautifully handwritten Christmas cards, you know is it beautiful, neat bows on every single present? You know, what, what are the things that you can maybe drop your standards a little bit on that is not going to change really your enjoyment of the season and other people's enjoyment of the season? Because you might want everything to be perfect. I feel like I'm talking to myself a little bit, a little bit here, but actually other people don't necessarily expect that and they don't necessarily have the same expectations of you. So what can you do to just drop some of that from your own expectations of the season?
The second thing to think about is connection. Now in terms of resilience I talk about connection a lot, and this time of year gets really busy, whether it's showing up for the umpteenth Nativity of the year or the carol service or whether it's work drinks or these drinks or dinner or whatever it might be that you're you're doing with other people. How much of that are you doing because you're expected to do, to do it and how much of it is actually going to be spending time with people that you want to spend time with?
You know there's a certain amount often for work where we have to do a certain amount of socializing things at this time of year but actually are you really going to be spending time with the people you want to as well so that there are things that might be a bit of a slog and you just have to show up and get through it but there are other things that are genuinely going to be fun. You're going to have a good time, you're going to catch up with friends, you're going to catch up with family, and you're going to sort of fill your cup a little bit with that connection in the run up to this time of year.
Last year I was feeling a bit Christmas grinchy I must admit so I wasn't really in the right place, head space for it and I almost kind of found myself avoiding events. This year I've booked in a whole lot of stuff that I'm really looking forward to actually, to see people and catch up with people that I really, I know I'll have fun, I know I'm going to enjoy it, I know it's going to be a good time, and I'm really looking forward to sort of that this season.
The other thing to think about is help. Again, we often believe that we are the only ones who can do things. If you have a slight tendency, and this often goes hand in hand with perfectionism, if you have a slight tendency to enjoy a bit of control over things, to be in charge then asking for help can be difficult but actually it can make a world of difference. You know, there is no reason in the world that I have to be the one to wrap all the Christmas presents. You know I was thinking about this the other day, I always do it, but I've got absolutely no idea why because it's not like my husband doesn't offer to help. It's not like when my mum's down she doesn't offer to help either. But for some reason I feel like it's my role therefore I should. This year I'm going to be saying yes to help, because I don't like wrapping presents. It is not something that fills me with joy. Some, for some of you it will be, you'll enjoy putting bows on things and beautiful tape and all the rest of it. It's not my thing, and so you know I need to drop that belief that because I'm mum, I should be doing that, that particular aspect. It sounds like such a small thing and yet it's not in, in kind of this context. It can, it can feel like, uh here's another thing on my list that I have to do and only I can do, actually, in the cold light of day when we're thinking rationally I am not the only person in this family who can wrap a present. So, you know when people are offering help, take it, and if they're not offering, ask.
So really think about what are the other things, you know wrapping is one of my things but there will be other things as well, what else can you ask for help with? What else can you, let's, let's tap into the leadership skills here, what else can you delegate? Delegation is key, so you're really thinking about that and about how you can involve other people and maybe make it fun a bit as well.
Finally I think one of the big things is self care at this season I speak to lots of friends and family who, and I remember this from my mum growing up and it happens to me as well, it's that thing of you hit Boxing Day and you end up with a cold or a flu or you're really not feeling great because you've been going full pelt for probably the last month or six weeks, and then your body just goes, not doing this anymore and it stops you because you've not stopped yourself or you've not been looking after yourself so really looking at it and thinking about, am I getting enough actual rest in here? Am I taking time to look after myself still? Am I still exercising, trying to eat well? It's quite, it's quite hard with all the drinks and the dinners and the lunches but you know, am I, am I kind of having some sort of balance? And again, all the other things that I've talked about, making sure you're seeing people that you want to see, making sure that you're asking for help with the jobs that are just a bit of a, bit of a pain but need doing. And, you know trying to kind of really manage your own standards around, around your expectations for the festive season, so that you're not putting more pressure on yourself than you need to and you can actually relax and not be stressed and enjoy time with family and friends because regardless of what we're celebrating that's fundamentally what it's about and yes we want to make it lovely for everybody else but we matter too and it should also be lovely for us, so how can we let go of some stuff and invite other people in to help and make it more of a group effort, a team effort so that we actually enjoy the whole special time that this can be as well, because we deserve to.
On that note I'll wrap up, just say, just think about connection, asking for help, accepting help when it's offered, and really looking after ourselves at a very busy time of year. I hope you enjoy the lead up, and enjoy taking care of yourself and enjoy connecting with the people who matter most to you. Take care.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. Hit the follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at Resonate Leadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood, I'd absolutely love to hear from you.
Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique. I'm your host, Ruth Wood. Take care and speak to you soon.
