3 · Fur coat no knickers
Podcast show notes
In this episode I dive into the challenges of working under leaders who are more style than substance.
I share four key strategies to not just cope but excel in such situations. The episode covers building your self-esteem, seeking support, expanding your network within the organisation, and avoiding negative work dynamics.
It's an essential listen for anyone facing leadership challenges, providing valuable advice on maintaining your professional integrity and well-being.
Here are the highlights
(01:20) Avoiding negative impact
(02:46) Building confidence in the workplace
(07:35) Maintaining self-awareness
Links
Sign up here for my mini-course – Find Your Power & Lead With Ease
Connect with Ruth
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Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted - the podcast for women in leadership, where I help you fulfil your ambitions without sacrificing your sanity, or hear resilience.
Hi, and welcome back to Frustrated and Exhausted. This is episode three. And today we're going to be talking about Fur Coat, No knickers.
Now, you may wonder, if you're not from Scotland or the North of England, what on earth I'm going on about. In Scots, we would say “Fur coat, Nae Knickers”. What that means is, when someone like is all shiny on the surface looks like they know what they're doing. But underneath, absolutely clueless. So really is about incompetence. That's what this episode is all about. It's about how not to be defined by your boss's incompetence, hence the title.
I bet you've had a boss like that, I know I have. And I probably still bear the scars. It can be really difficult to know how to manage it when the person above you in the chain of command or the hierarchy or whatever you want to call it, really doesn't have a clue what they're doing. That can be both in terms of your stress and frustration levels, but also in terms of your career. And of course, it also impacts teams that you work with.
Nobody wants to be tarred with that brush. And you know, quite often, if a particular department or team gets a reputation, it can stick and it can stick to people who are in that team. So, what we're going to be talking about in this episode is how to avoid that tarnishing happening to you and how to see seen in the process.
So today, I've got four ways. Four suggestions, I'm sure there are many more, I'd love to hear yours if you've got them, or you found ways to kind of work through this sort of situation. But four ways not to be caught up in your boss's incompetence.
The very first thing to remember with this is who you are. When someone above you is in a position of power, you know, they have power over you, they're gonna sign off your PDR, they're gonna decide if you get a bonus or not this year, if you're in that kind of role, if they're not competent, and they're not doing what they should do. And potentially, they're not being fair in the way that they see your performance, or potentially they feel threatened by how good your performances, it can be really easy for that to impact your confidence. So something really important when you're in that scenario is to remind yourself of your own strengths, of the things that you are really good at, you know, to really notice the evidence of your own expertise, so that you can still trust yourself in your own ability, and maintain your own sense of confidence and strength and your own power.
The other thing that you can do is to really kind of look to your support network. So you know who's on your team. Do you have a group of people around you who you can trust, so maybe a mentor or peers who can help you navigate the specifics in your environment, who understand the politics and the culture that you're operating within, and who you can trust to advise and to help you protect your reputation, and also your access to opportunities. You know, word of mouth happens in organisations, you know, such and such might be a good fit for this role or that role. You know, you want to still have access to all of those opportunities, whether your boss is looking out for you in that way or not. Or whether their reputation is going to get in the way and mean that people don't look to you, as a potential applicant for something that might enhance your career.
The third thing to really think about builds on that, really, and that's to make sure that in the work that you're doing, make sure that you're widening your network within the organisation or the business so that other people get to see that you're not your boss. You know, people are not daft. They can sense when somebody knows what they're talking about, and acts into that and actually does what they say they're going to do and when someone doesn't, so show them that you are somebody that they can work with and that you can be trusted to get things done, that you are competent and you're more than competent, you're trustworthy and you're reliable. They will value that 100% .
Something else to think about. I've definitely had bosses like this more than once. Maybe underlying it there's a real impostor syndrome for them, so I'm not saying don't have compassion for that person. Maybe they've been promoted a bit earlier than they should have been because it seemed like they had the potential at the time. And maybe they've not had the support that they need to feel confident and secure in their position. But I've definitely had bosses who would not make a decision for love nor money, people who would put their head above the parapet for fear of getting something wrong. And not only that, it's not just not putting their head above the parapet, you know, sometimes that might mean that you can't trust them to do what's necessary to do the right thing. And, you know, without that trust, it's really difficult to work with someone.
But the thing I'm going to say here is, while you're not responsible for them and their career, it doesn't mean to say that if there's an opportunity, you can offer some supportive, helpful feedback, if they want to have that conversation, or there's an opportunity to give 360 feedback, you know, absolutely take those opportunities if they arise. If someone you know, who is your manager opens up about something that's going on for them that is impacting their performance, then absolutely, if it's, if it's right, and you've got the bandwidth, and they need some support, offer it. But you're not their carer.
It's quite easy to be pulled into a dynamic with someone like this where you know, you're frustrated, you want to get the job done, you can have almost trying to shield your teams from them, from their lack of competence. But that can quite quickly become a bit of a parental type dynamic. You know, where you're sort of almost parenting them, covering for them. That's not healthy. It's, it's not healthy for you, because it puts more pressure on. And it's not really healthy for them, because it's not helping them to make the changes that they need to make. And again, you're almost masking for them. We talked in the last episode about masking for yourself. But in this sort of scenario, you're almost masking for them. I'm not saying don't have compassion, and don't support people, absolutely 100%, that that's appropriate. But you need to be able to have an adult to adult conversation, if the other person is open to it. So again, if there's that opportunity for mutual feedback, or 360 feedback, absolutely take it. As hard as it is sometimes we all need to understand the impact that we're having on others, good or bad for our own self-awareness, as long as it's evidenced.
So just to summarise briefly: fur coat, no knickers. The boss who's not competent, and how to deal with it. Step one, remember who you are, do not lose sight in their incompetence of your own ability, get support from people, you trust people who will be allies for you, people who will make sure that other people know that you should not be tarnished with your boss's reputation. And that you can still help you get access to other opportunities and things if your boss isn't doing that for you. Number three, make sure that you're widening that network. So that people can see that you can be trusted, that you're reliable that you are competent. And so that your reputation is something that is separate from that of your boss. And finally, the fourth thing, if your boss isn't getting it right, if they're not making decisions, don't feel the need to be there cater, you're not responsible for their behaviour they are, what you are responsible for, is looking after yourself. And if the opportunity presents itself, offering some feedback.
Just finally, before we finish off, if you want to think a bit more about your ability to to influence and to shape your work environment, I've got a brilliant mini course free called Find Your power and lead with ease. And this is all about thinking around different perspectives on your power and influence and your ability to do that. The link for that is in the show notes. It goes into a bit of depth and will give you kind of a good rounded view of where you're at with that. But remember, if your boss is all fur coat, no knickers just remember who you are.
Thanks for listening to this episode of frustrated and exhausted hit the Follow button for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at Resonate Leadership and LinkedIn at Ruth Alexandra Wood. I would absolutely love to hear from you. Frustrated and Exhausted is brought to you by Resonate Leadership and the wonderful team at the Podcast Boutique. I'm your host, Ruth Wood. Take care and speak to you soon.
